Juliana Kline – Poems

“I Miss You, Dad”
I move away
I am never able to stay
It’s not by choice
And I don’t have a voice
Home is where the army sends us
Is starting to sound ridiculous

I miss you Dad
And you’ve missed some of the times we could’ve had
It’s not your fault that you have to go
You’re saving the world
So I put in a brave face and I try not to let my sadness show
I love you and I love what you do
You’re inspiring when the world around us is crumbling
I strive to be like you
Because you’re always so kind, so honest, so true
But it’s hard when your gone
And a year seems so long

Not completely knowing whether you will come home
I sit in class and my mind starts to roam
To dangerous thoughts
Of dangerous places
And knowing that’s where you are
Halfway across the world, but looking up at the same stars

When you left for the first time
I remember sitting down and crying
That was before I could really understand
That you had to leave to save this land
This land where we live
And take for granted
The land that you fight for
And that all military do
This land that is protected by you

The second time you left for war
I was a little older
And I was expected to be stronger
I still cried
At the thought that you could’ve died
But you were able to come back
Fully intact

The third time came around
When you left us again
We got into a routine and we tried to pretend
That it was alright
And that you were just barely out of sight
But reality kicked in
And I was starting to wonder how long it had been
Since I saw your face
And I was in your arms
Since I heard your voice
Even though you were in my heart

When you came home,
I had never been happier
I cried with tears of joy and laughter
This was it
This was the end
We were all together
And that was supposed to last forever

But we got some news a few years later
That you had to go back for the good of the greater
I was devastated
I could barely breathe
Knowing that once again you had to leave
Your fourth time going
And me once again not knowing
If you’d be okay
And if I’d make it through the day

That year was hard
And I’m still scarred
It would’ve been easier if you were here
But you helped out more over there
I’m so thankful you are back home
With your family where you belong
So if I have to leave my friends and my school
Then it’s a small sacrifice for all that you do

Do I ever cross your mind
At night when you can’t sleep?
And if I cross your mind,
Do you remember the good things?

Do you think of me in the mornings?
Are you waiting for that text?
Do you find yourself wishing
That my head was on your chest?

I miss the feeling of your quickening heart beat
And I’m starting to feel the heat
The echoes of your name in my brain
Like the pattering of the rain on a window pane
Is driving me insane
You’re driving me insane
And I know I will be okay
Because that’s what they all say
But thinking of you is driving me insane

Do I ever cross your mind
When you turn for your best friend and realize I’m gone?
And if I cross your mind
Do you remember all the things that went wrong?

Do you think of me at midnight?
Looking up at those stars
You know I’d watch them for hours
Whisking me away so far

You know all my secrets
Now that’s my biggest regret
You took all I have
And you left me wanting it back

But I still miss the
Feeling of your quickening heart beat
And I’m dying to just to feel the heat
The yelling of your name in my brain
Like the incessant drilling of the rain on a window pane
Is driving me insane
You’re driving me insane
And I just wish to be okay
It no longer matters what they say
But thinking of you is driving me insane

“Plastic and Lies”
You think your the best
Better than the rest
You think the world revolves around you
I’m here to tell you that’s not true

You think everyone adores you
You feel you deserve a statue
A plaque with your name
You crave all the fame

You put others down
And try to show off your crown
But the crown is made of plastic and lies
And I can see through the plans you devise

You’ve learned how to fake out the crowd
And for that you are proud
It may seem like a big achievement
But I’m in disagreement

You cheat and lie and steal
You make others think it’s real
I’m not falling for your tricks
You do it all for kicks

People’s lives aren’t a game you can play
You shouldn’t be leading them astray
You disgust me with your deceit
And annoy me when you try to act sweet

Don’t act coy
When you try to destroy
All the lives around you for some fun
You’re always carrying around a loaded gun

So I’m moving away
And you get to stay
You’re being left in the hole you dug yourself
Or locked away on a forgotten shelf

I’m not gonna let you affect the rest of my life
I’m relieving my back from your knife
So goodbye and farewell
I’m escaping your hell

“Life Is Hard”
Life is hard
Life’s not fair
I’ve been taught that since I was little
But it’s still hard to bare
To bare the truth about what going on
It’s hard to continue to live
When everything seems like it’s going wrong
To forget what we had between us is not possible for me
I don’t know how you got over this
Because thinking about it, it’s still hard to breathe
To breathe the fresh air and try to get a new perspective
It’s so challenging when my brain is so selective
Thinking about the good times
Thinking about the bad
I’m so mixed up and confused
Emotions have gone mad
With everything out of place
I’m trying to stay complete
But I gave you a part of me
So that concept seems obsolete
Trying to imagine a different ending
I want a better story
This is no fairytale
And you were never meant for me

“Stressed About Things I Can’t Control”
1 a.m. and I can’t sleep
Mind flooding with thoughts of him and me
Life will be different when I’m gone
Can’t imagine it without things going wrong

I’m confused and frustrated
And I’ve been underestimated
My emotions take over and anxiety has run amuck
I feel like I’m completely out of luck

Things don’t make sense
I’m looking at life through an out of focus lens
Stressed about things I can’t control
But that won’t keep me from falling down the rabbit hole

I take on too much
And am left with the loss of touch
I’m not in reach of goals or hopes
And I wish I could learn how to cope

I know what to do
It’s executing that’s the struggle
I’m left with all these feelings to juggle
I’m gonna drop one

And damage the rest in the downfall
It feels like i’m continuing to run into a brick wall
Nothing is going anywhere
And I can’t take it anymore

“He Chose Her”
I had hoped for a better ending
But nothing seemed to be going right
I’m so tired of pretending
That I’m still looking for the light
I’m a girl that got caught up in a mess
This happens to me a lot
You think that the pain would eventually be less
But it most certainly is not
I knew that this was coming
Though I didn’t want to believe
I could hear my heart beat drumming
All I wished to do was leave
To run away from the repetitive thoughts
And the emotions starting to swirl
I wish I would’ve stayed and fought
But instead my head started to whirl
A rush of unpleasant feelings
A welling of my tears
As my mind started to process things
They were coming true… my fears
I knew what he was going to say
Before the words left his lips
This had been dreadful day
And my heart began to rip
Worse than being turned down
Is knowing that I wasn’t as good
As another girl in town
So now is when I finally stood
I couldn’t deal with this anymore
The drama and the pain
I knew that leaving then wouldn’t settle the score
Yet I still ran into the rain
The water was running down my face
And soaking into my clothes
I knew that I had lost the race
Because of who he chose

“Weren’t The Right Guy”
I can’t sleep
Because I’m staying up thinking about you
It’s pathetic and weak
But I can’t get you out of my mind
You moved on long ago
But I’m still stuck in November
When everything was new
And you weren’t with her
I’m replaying our conversations
Trying to figure out what went wrong
When you left, no hesitation  
Everyday without you felt so long
My dreams were crazy
But you kept me sane
Now my dreams are the only place
I get to see your face
I can’t focus on what’s right
When you left me feeling wrong
It’s annoying and absurd
That I let you string me along
You kept me in the dark
Even when I begged for light
You left me a mess
That’s far from alright
I’m relieving each perfect moment
Searching for one flaw
You must’ve seen in me
When I was being open, honest, and raw
My life was crazy
But you kept me safe
Now my life without you is so damn plain
I can’t take a minute
To think without you in it
It’s frustrating and hard
To love when you put up that guard
I’m thinking about how you held me
How safe I felt
But I’m tired of the doubting
And I’m done letting my heart down
My perspective has changed
Since you left me high and dry
Took me to long to know
That you weren’t the right guy

“Overthought Dreams”
Can someone please explain to me
Why I feel constricted when I’m free
Trapped inside this body of mine
I’m longing for the light to shine
Hopeless when surrounded by inspiration
Confined in the borders of my situation
Lost in an open field
Wounded as I’m about to be healed
Lonely yet so close to home
Set in my ways until my thoughts start to roam
To things that don’t matter to the rest of the world
Wishing there was an escape of my mind
Wishing that I could break free of this bind
Tired, confused and frustrated the most
Just trying to smile and put on a show
Its hard enough fitting in
But second guessing is my nature and I can’t win
No thought or action gets left alone
I can’t move on until I know the unknown
It’s quite the predicament as one can see
Because I find it impossible to be let go and me be me
I hold on to things that have been long gone
Every little thing I do, is somehow wrong
It’s a perfectionist way I set for myself
Trying to do everything without any help
it’s easy to say that I can just change how I think
But it’s harder because my thoughts are written in ink
So because I’m a mess that can’t be cleaned
I live a life full of overthought dreams

“Too Attached”
It’s been too long since I’ve seen your face
And missing you is such a disgrace
The way you smiled and the way you laughed
I think I’m still too attached
Letting go is hard to do
And I struggle everyday just to get through
Your heart beating close to mine
Makes me feel like we were of one kind
Staying up late thinking about your words
You’re what makes my thoughts become blurred
You made me feel like I was free
We were talking about what it could be
When things ended suddenly
I felt like I couldn’t breathe
Like the wind was knocked out of me
I’m trying to recover now
Though I’m still completely knocked down
Standing back up on two feet
Is harder than I thought it would be
It’s been too long to still feel sad
I thought it was special, what we had
But I was wrong and you lied
And because of that I still cry
I opened up and let you in
And now I don’t even know where to begin
I thought I forgave you
But I must be lying to myself too
Because trust is hard to come by
I trusted you because you made me feel alive
Deep regret for telling you things
Because thinking about us still stings

I see you standing there
Completely unaware
Of the effect you have on me
You’re oblivious
To what’s going on between us
Or maybe it’s all just in my head
My head is flooding with thoughts
And I’m feeling caught
Like I did something wrong
But what did I do?
I fell in love with you
And that’s not okay
Love is a natural thing
But we’re nothing more than a fling
And I don’t think I can handle that
It was fine in the beginning
But now everything is spinning
And I’m no longer in control
I’m a slave to my emotions
Like a ship at sea in a stormy ocean
And I’m just trying to come up for air
But it’s hard to reach the surface
When there is such a disturbance
Going on around me
I need to call it off
But you’re more contagious than a cough
And I can’t seem to get well
You’re so much better than me
Or so that’s how it seems
When I feel like such an idiot
How could I fall for you again
Or did I just pretend
You were different from everyone else
Oh you’re different all right
I’ve never felt as so slight
Next to a guy like you before
You have that effect on me
And you seem so carefree
It’s like I don’t even exist
Does what we do
Not effect you
Are you just that naive?
That I would be okay with just this
And nothing more than just a kiss
Because you’re blind
Am I not worth more to you?
Is that really true?
Because it seems that way now
Yet you can never know how I feel
Because that’s our deal
And you don’t want to know
I thought you were different
That you were all I envisioned
But maybe I’m the one who’s oblivious

“How Did I Get Here”
I’m wondering how I got here
Time passed so fast I don’t even know what happened
I just know that things are so different than they used to be.
I remember everything but I didn’t realize that things were changing as they were changing
I’m a different person than I was two years ago, but I have some similarities.
I’m wondering how I got here
The trip was winding with all of my fears
Darkness and desperation
Drowning while looking for inspiration
Waiting for hope
Struggling for purpose
Fighting for acceptance
Inner battles
Life all around me rattles
Focusing so closely on things that don’t matter
Finding myself surrounded by glass, shattered
Looking deeply into a cut finger
When my leg is completely dismembered

“Don’t Tell Me”
You tell me you like me
But you tell me too late
You tell me you want me
But I know that’s fake
You tell me you’re here for whatever comes next
But you’re only here for when I’m at my best
So don’t tell me it’s okay
When you know it’s all wrong
Don’t tell me I’ve got what it takes
When you know I’m not strong
Don’t tell me I’ll fit on alright
When I don’t belong
You told me it was okay
Then you strung me along
You say you’ll call me back
But I need you now
You say I’m right on track
But I’m still on the ground
You say you’re ready for more
So why are you acting like I’m a chore
Don’t tell me I’m fine
When I’m clearly not
Don’t tell me I overthink
When you can’t express a thought
Don’t tell me it’s not a choice
You just don’t want to get caught
Cause when you tell me it’s fine
It hurts more than we fought
Go do what you want
You’re done with the show
I’m giving up
Cause you need control
So don’t tell me it’s okay
When you know it’s all wrong
Don’t tell me I’ve got what it takes
When you know I’m not strong
Don’t tell me I’ll fit all right
When I don’t belong
You told me it’s okay
Then you strung me along

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