Harrison Stockdale – “The Accounts of a Butcher Named Richard”

        May 31, 2014

        Human flesh is delicious and is certainly the most underrated meat. Many people consider it “unethical” to eat a person, but in reality, is it any more wrong to eat a human than a cow or pig? It takes sacrifice to eat a person and some people are just selfish. In fact, in the next month, I have decided that my meat shop will be selling human flesh labeled as ham. My meat won’t be coming from just anyone though. I have decided that I have to sell the flesh of people who are inherently egotistical and don’t benefit the town of Anthemaum. People who just go through with there day to day life without a thought for others. Because of this decision, I will be keeping this journal to account for everything that happens.

         June 1, 2014

         Today I killed the great-something-grandson of the town founder. He was also one of the few employees at my rival’s restaurant, Burger Barn, and was arrested two years for tax evasion. His crime life also included unpaid parking tickets. In my opinion, he was the most dangerous person in all of Anthemaum.

         I killed Ian Anthemaum by the town’s lighthouse. I followed him there early in the morning and once we were the only people at the lighthouse, I tackled him and stabbed his feet so that I wouldn’t damage any of the prime cuts. I kept on stabbing until he bled out. Once he was dead, I cut his sweet, sweet meat off of his skeleton and cleaned up the crime scene with some wet wipes until there were no visible traces of blood. Because of the chemicals in the wipes, the small traces of blood remaining will be tainted when the crime scene is found by the police. After I washed the wipes in shop’s sink, I disposed of them in garbage can behind the police station. There was no diabolical reason behind this, I just did it that way for my own amusement.

       June 2, 2014

       My “ham” is selling like hotcakes at the store. I’ve heard many people say that Ian is the best ham they have ever tasted and I fully agree with that statement. I’ve had a sandwich with him inside of it and it is delicious. He is not too fatty but, at the time, his insides have marbled perfectly. Because humans taste so similar to pork, no one has had any suspicions about the ham. I have made an executive decision that Richard’s Meat Shop will also be replacing the pork chops with flesh.

         June 3, 2014

         I was already starting to run out of meat. I don’t think that it was a particularly good idea to also sell Ian as pork chops. I didn’t expect the chops to sell as quickly as they did, seeing that I used the lower quality cuts, but my customers were ravenous. Some people would come breakfast, lunch, and dinner to eat Ian. To keep sales steady, I have decided that I will have to kill two people tomorrow. I already have one person in my mind who I should, Dan Hermeir. Dan came at breakfast and after he ate, he told me the meat tasted strange. I always liked Dan, but no matter how much enjoyment I’m getting out of this situation, I have to play safe and not sorry. I’ll have to decide who I’m going to kill tomorrow.

         June 4, 2014

         After getting up early and preparing myself for the day, the first thing I did was search across town for Dan. I found him by the coast fishing, so I drowned him, put him in the trunk of my car, and stole the fish that he had collected because I thought that human would work well with trout (note to self, it really does). While I was driving back to the shop, I was pulled over by officer Brent. I stabbed him and put him in the trunk next to Dan. Because it was so early, I doubt anyone saw. And if anyone did, only heaven knows whose stomach they’ll be going into.  

         June 5, 2014

         Everybody in town loved my trout-human sandwiches. Because human is such a sweet meat, it really went well with the saltiness of the trout. What I have decided to try tomorrow is to get some more trout so I can make fish, human, and chips. If I remember right, I have an excellent recipe for french fries somewhere in the shop and I just make an easy batch of tempura as the batter for the meat. Sales this week have also been through the roof. If there wasn’t a set amount of people I had to keep alive, I would sell human flesh every day of the year.

          June 6, 2014

          The human fish and chips went over really well. The flesh cooked perfectly in the frier and tasted wonderful with fries. However, I thought the work was very tedious so I have decided to make the dish a weekly special. I also might have to kill lesser known people in the future. Tomorrow, there is going to be a city meeting about the murders. From what I have heard from customers, this is an extremely anticipated event for the town and everyone will be going. That means I’ll to go as well so I don’t look suspicious. In my opinion, it’s moronic to bask in self pity over the deaths of “town celebrities”. But because the meeting is earlier in the day, maybe I’ll be able to feed everyone the people they’ve crying over for lunch.

          June 7, 2014

          The city meeting was excruciatingly boring. I guess it wouldn’t have been interesting for me because I already know the answer to the town’s little mystery, but even if I didn’t, I’m sure I still would have checked my watch several times. But business, like I predicted, was amazing. I sure I sold over a hundred human sandwiches. At the end of the day, I rewarded myself for endearing that awful city meeting by killing someone new. That person just so happened to be Shelby Watts, my old baby sitter. She was the perfect victim because all she did was sit around her house and drink wine. Shelby was basically the Kobe beef of people. I had my usual sample last night and, oh boy, she tasted good.

           June 8, 2014

           I think the stress of being the only office on my murder case has really affected Chief Keith. This morning he ordered two ham breakfast sandwiches and two normal ham sandwiches. Just for kicks and giggles, I put a strand Shelby’s hair in one of Keith’s breakfast sandwich. I still get a bit of a chuckle thinking of him slowly taking the hair out of his sandwich. Luckily for me though, he did ask for a refund. I guess that was the only highlight of my day because everything was just the same old same old. I just sold some more sandwiches and found some more people I could kill.

           June 9, 2014

           A new police officer from Augusta arrived in town today. She was a beautiful woman named Amy who I’m sure would taste good with a fried egg on top of her or as tartar. As opposed to Chief Keith, Amy appeared to be competent at her job. Right as she got to Anthemaum, Amy started to work on the case. She talked to the families of the victims and about a quarter of the citizens of Anthemaum. For once, I feel like I might actually get caught.

          June 10, 2014

          (A recreation of my interaction with Officer Amy)

          “Hey,” Amy yelled when she entered my meat shop.

          “Hi,” I responded.

          “I’ve heard from Keith that you make really good sandwiches here.”

          “Guilty.”

          “Well then, what do you recommend?”

          “The ham is amazing, and, surprisingly, it works well with trout.”

          “A ham and trout sandwich sounds disgusting.”

          “Hey, don’t knock it ‘til try it.”

          “I can and I definitely will.”

          “I still recommend the ham though.”

          “Mkay, can I get that in a sandwich with tomatoes then.”

          “Sure, do you want that toasted?”

          “Definitely.”

           I went to the back of the shop and quickly made her a sandwich. As I got the front, she raised her hand and waved.

          “So are you assuming this is yours?” I asked while I walked over to her table.

          “I guess I am, seeing that there wasn’t anyone in front of me.”

          “You’re right, do you want anything to drink?”

          “What do you have?”

          “I have water, milk, and juice.”

          “What juices?” Amy asked.

          “Orange, cranberry, pineapple, and lamb.”

          “You sell lamb here.”

          “I do, but I don’t think I’ve sold any this month.”

          “Huh, well I’ll have some cranberry juice.”

          “I’ll go get that for you.”

           I ran over to the fridge and got her a bottle of Minute Maid.

          “Here you go,” I said while handing Amy the bottle.

          “Thanks. By the way, you forgot to have me pay.”

          “Well, since your new to town, I’ll let you have this one for free.”

          “Thank you very much.”

          “You are very welcome. I will go and let you enjoy.”

          “And I will stay here and enjoy.”

           June 11, 2014

           I was running out of meat again and I had to get some flesh quick seeing that the human fish and chips special was coming up soon, so I killed two people today. They were a pudgy couple who lived on the wealthy side of town. If I remember correctly, their names were Bob and Sharon West. Bob and Sharon were excruciatingly vain and selfish which is why I killed them. Currently, they are in the basement of my shop, hanging on hooks in the meat locker. As per usual, I tried some of their meat, and it was far too rich for my standards. But, I’m sure it will go well with trout and fries.

           June 12, 2014

          (A recreation of my second interaction with Officer Amy)

          “Hey,” Amy yelled as she came into my restaurant.

          “Hi, I feel like I just saw you.”

          “Yeah, well, Keith and I decided that we need to check homes and workplaces.”

          “So where’s Chief Keith?”

          “At Rose Avenue.”

          “Ah, okay, so I guess you want to check my shop then.”

          “That was the plan.”

          “Then where do you want to start?”

          “Well, I can tell you are definitely not hiding anything in the seating area and I’m sure you can’t fit anything in those cabinets, so can you show me the back room?”

          “Uh-huh.” I said while realizing there were two skinned people in my meat locker.

            I brought Amy back to a room where I kept a small fridge with human meat inside and a microwave oven.

            “And what’s in there?” Amy pointed to a small door when she was done checking.

            “That goes down to my basement.”

            “Can you take me down there?”

            “Yup.” I replied.

             I lead Amy down the step and then turned the lights on. We both instantly noticed a small pool of blood coming out of my meat locker.

            “And, uh, what’s that?” Amy asked.

            “Some blood from the new order of lamb yesterday,” I replied.

            “Why’d get more lamb? I thought you said you don’t sell a lot of it.”

            “What I had was getting old, so I thought I’d get some more.”

            “Okay, can you show me the new order.”

            “Yup,” I replied while unlocking the meat locker.

             Amy and I both examined the carcasses hanging on my ceiling.

            “Aren’t those a little big to lamb, Richard?”

            “No,” I replied. “Lamb are normally that big.”

            “Well, thank you for letting shop,” Amy told me when she was done checking.

            “No problem.”

             June 13, 2014

             Today I sold the fish, human, and chips again. While sales were not as good as last week, I still sold quite a bit of the weekly special. I’m not entirely sure if I want to keep the weekly special. The work today was even more tedious than last week, and if the special’s sales continue to drop, I will be certain to stop making human fish and chips. On another note, the Wests, did not work well with the trout, much too my dismay. They had an odd texture when they were cooked in the frier. So, in the future, I will take a note not to eat their son.

              June 14, 2014

             I killed Barbara Homes today, and that went over like a lead balloon. Barbara had definitely been preparing herself in case I ever came to eat her.  She kept a knife on her bedside table, and right before I killed her, she cut my hand. This is what I was talking about the first day I kept this journal, people are extremely selfish. Sometimes, I’m tired of people yelling and screaming when I take the sample out of them. I wish people would just accept their fate instead of getting all feisty about it. This afternoon, a lot of people asked me what happened to my hand. While it was annoying, I did enjoy the gifts of sympathy the right people of society gave to me.

            June 15, 2014

            Sales were just awful today. Because of the fight Barbara put up, her meat became slightly tough and chewy, and it didn’t help that I had to cut her up with my non dominant hand. I started putting Vaseline on my hand to try to make it heal quicker, and I’m really depending on that working. I decided that because Barbara tastes so bad, I’ll have to kill another person tomorrow.

            June 16, 2014

            To prove to myself that my morality throughout these killings has deteriorated, I did a sacrifice of my own. Today I killed my brother. Although I wasn’t that close to him, I did, and still do, feel emotionally affected. Henry’s flesh, though, was some of the best meat I have ever tasted. He was salty and savory but had a sweet aftertone. After my small sample, I couldn’t resist the temptation of his left lung. I then pan fried his tonsils in butter and ate them with his ears which I baked. I had stop myself there before I ate any good cuts (even though I might have sneaked in one of his eyes).

          June 17, 2014

          (A recreation of my third interaction with Amy)

          “Hey,” Amy yelled when she entered my shop.

          “Hi,” I replied.

          “I justed wanted to get some lunch.”

          “Do you want what you got last time?”

          “You are correct.”

          “And do you want another cranberry juice?”

          “Yup.”

          “Well that will be $5”

          Amy pulled out her wallet and gave me a five dollar bill.

         “So, um, Richard, could come and sit down with me.” Amy whispered to me before I could go make her meal.

         “Yeah, what’s up?”

         “I just wanted to ask if you know what happened to your brother?”

         “Yeah, um, my dad told me.”

         “Okay, good, I didn’t want to tell you the bad news.”

         “Well, I’m gonna go make your sandwich.”

         “Please do.”

         I went to the back of the shop and felt a tear roll down my check. I wiped it off while I warmed up my brother’s spleen and as I walked over to Amy’s table, it was from her expression of sympathy that I looked distraught.

          “Are you okay?” Amy asked.

          “Mm-hm, it’s just kind of odd. I wasn’t particularly close to Fred, but it’s just kinda hard.”

          “I’m sure it is, and I’m deeply sorry.”

          “It’s fine, are you any closer to finding his killer?”

          “Not really,” Amy said while taking a bite of Fred.

          “Hmmm, are you any closer to eat ham and fish?”

           “No, and I’m not any closer to finding out why you’re campaigning for that combo so heavily.”

           “They work so well together and I really think need to try them.”

           “Well, how would I eat them?”

           “You could eat them as a sandwich or, once a week, I make them into ham, fish, and chips.”

           “You actually sell ham, fish, and chips?”

           “I certainly do, and the two times I have, they’ve sold like wildfire.”

           “So… if I come next time you sell those monstrosities, will you shut up about ham and trout.”

           “I definitely will.”

           “Fine, when are you selling them next?”

           “The 21st.”

           “Then I will see you on the 21st.”

           “I will see you then.”

           June 18, 2014

           (A recreation of the second city meeting, yes, another recreation, this is important)

           I walked into the chilly city hall and saw Amy wave me down. When I noticed her, I raised my eyebrows and gave a small smile. Amy then motioned me to come sit next to her.

          “Yeeeees?” I said when I got over to where Amy was sitting.

          “I saved you a spot.”

          “Not that I’m complaining, but why?”

          “I just thought it’d be nice since you’re brother just died, plus, you’ve been really nice to me since I’ve gotten to town.”

          “I have to be nice to all my customers.”

          “Fine, go stand in stand in the corner.”

          “Yeah, but this is one nice seats.”

          “Then I guess you’ll just have to deal with me.”

          “I don’t know, standing for two hours does sound comfortable.”

          “I can’t be that bad we’ve talked three times and one of those I was working.”

          “Good point,” I said while taking my seat.

          “Also, you do realize that this isn’t going to be two hours, right?”

          “How long’s it going to be?”

          “An hour and forty-five minutes,”

          “Oh, wow, what a difference.” I replied.

           “Very much so.”

           “Do you know when this thing is going to start?”

           “When Keith feels like it.” Amy replied.

           “Are his in charge of this thing?”

           “Yeah, the mayor’s wife just had a baby.”

           “Ah, well you go get his to start.”

           “Well aren’t you just brimming with excitement.”

           “I don’t know, I just want to get this started.”

           “Okay, eager beaver.”

           Amy walked over to Keith and whispered something in his ear. Keith then immediately got out of his seat and walked on the stage so he sit back down at a comically small table with a lamp and a book about agriculture on it. Keith placed his printed copy of his speech on the table and turned on the lamp.

            “Good evening everyone,” Keith boomed to the crowd after reviewing his speech.

            “Good evening,” the crowd lazily replied.

            “So, as we all know, a lot of people have been murdered. When their bodies were found, the victim’s flesh was gruesome cut off of their skeletons, and their blood was mostly missing. So far thirteen people have been killed. That’s thirteen lives lost to a psycho’s sick and disturbing acts of malicious violence. I send my deep condolences to the families and friends of the victims. For the sake of the city, the only thing we can do as a community is stay safe. We need to stay in our houses at night, keep our doors locked-“ Chief Keith tried to make a grandiose hand gesture but accidentally knocked the lamb onto the floor which instantaneously combusted when it made contact.

            The fire spread quickly a consumed the stage forty five seconds after the lamp fell. Keith trotted off the stage before the fire get to him, but clear that he had gotten several burns. Everyone evacuated the city hall quickly and carefully, except for an elderly woman with a walker named Meredith. She had fallen asleep during the small amount of time she had been at the meeting, and woke when it was to late. She was engulfed in flame with the rest of the building. By the time the night was over, there was no city hall remaining.

          June 19, 2014

          Many people mourned the death of Meredith Smith. She was a very active community member who helped quite a bit of people throughout the parts of their lives. Although she was one of the few citizens of Anthemaum that I respected, the thought of me never getting to turn her old woman meat into a pulled human sandwich does bring a tear to my eye. But the grief of the city was excellent for my sales. People from all across town would come fill the Meredith sized hole in their heart with a sandwich made out of her neighbor. But, no matter how good the elderly taste, I have decided that my next victim will have to be someone younger.

           June 20, 2014

           Today I killed a college student who was visiting Anthemaum temporarily on his trip to discover himself. His meat was incredibly soft and tender. Today I did restrain the proportion of my sample. I ate the man’s entire right leg (and I possibly ate half of a flip flop). He was just unlike any other person I’ve ever tasted before. I feel that if I had eaten any more of the young man, I would have contracted gout, he was that rich.

           June 21, 2014

           (A recreation of Amy finally eating my human, fish, and chips)

           “Hey,” Amy yelled when she entered my shop.

           “Hi,” I replied.

           “I here to try your disgusting Frankenstein’s creation of a dish.”

           “I think you should be more optimistic, Amy.”

           “I am being optimistic, Richard.”

           “Whatever you say.”

           “So how much is ham and trout going to send me back?”

           “Do you want a cranberry juice with that?”

           “You know it.”

           “Then the meal will cost you six fifty.”

            Amy pulled out her wallet and gave me a ten.

           “I’ll get that right out,” I told Amy while handing her her change.

           I went down to my basement and quickly chopped up the college student’s liver. I then quickly got it and the fish battered, fried, and delivered to Amy. She looked up at me with a look of dread.

           “You really want me to eat this?” Amy asked.

           “I really do.”

           “So which one is the ham and which is the fish.”

           “The piece that is more stick like is the ham and the other is the trout.”

           Amy slowly cut a small bite of the fish and human for herself and took a long exaggerated bite.

           “You are one of the worst people I’ve ever met.”

           “And what do you mean by that?”

           “I hate how good this is.”

           “I told you so.”

           “You did and I resent you for it.” Amy responded while taking a larger bite of the two meats together.

            “Well you know, I do this special once a week.”

            “Why once a week?”

            “Just takes a lot of work to make it.”

           “Mmm… well this is probably one of the best meals I’ve had all month.” Amy replied while finishing up the fish and human and working her way over to the fries.

            “Don’t forget to breathe, Amy.”

            “It’s hard to remember.”

            “Well, are the fries good?”

             Amy nodded her head while sipping her juice.

            “Mkay, well I’ll let you finish, and don’t forget that I’m selling this next week.”

            “I won’t.”

            June 22, 2014

            Chief Keith had called sick at work today because he had an ulcer. I think the stress of accidentally burning city hall would be overwhelming to anyone, though. This morning, Keith came into my shop and asked for three ham sandwiches, and I just gave him the rest of the college kid. Just about when he was done eating, I saw him cry into an empty sandwich wrapper. I didn’t feel any sympathy for him though. It was his fault that Meredith and he just needs to own it instead of wallowing in self pity. Keith is a truly disgusting man.

            June 23, 2014

            According to Amy, a new person was found dead. I, for once, was not the killer, though. It was also clear to the town that I wasn’t the killer since the flesh was still on the victim. The new body was found by the statue of the town founder and, from what I’ve heard, would have been perfect in one of my sandwich. The victim was a young, pregnant, newlywed, with long blonde hair and nails. She had come from Lewiston with her husband last month, and was not particularly welcomed in the community. Amy told me that all of her neighbors, and basically everyone in her district, hated her. She was extremely loud and was a vegetarian. People were extremely offended when they offered her to lunch at my shop and she declined. Personally, I think people who refuse to eat meat do deserve death.  

             June 24, 2014

             There was another city meeting held this evening. Because there was no city hall, the meeting was held in my shop. Although nothing was really discussed, I was on the edge of my seat. For once, I didn’t know who the killer was and I was extremely intrigued. Everyone from Anthemaum was at the meeting, other than Keith, seeing that he was still sick, and I made so many sales because of it. I killed three new people in preparation of the event. I sold human sandwiches, flame grilled human, boiled human, fried human, and pan fried human. For once, I sold all my human in one day. Although I won’t, I feel tempted to sell human for longer than a month.

            June 25, 2014

            A second person was found dead today next to the community center. The victim was an salty old codger named Edith with crippling arthritis and a crippling addiction to bingo. I remember from when I was a little kid that she tried run someone over with her car. That someone had fallen in her prized potato garden and “distributed” the soil. But for some reason, the old bat was worshipped in Anthemaum. Every morning, one of Edith’s neighbors would run to my shop to grab her a pulled pork breakfast sandwich and some clamato juice. I don’t even sell pulled pork breakfast sandwiches normally, I just ask for an extra dollar for the hassle. But, I remember this evening people would come into my shop dressed in all black to cry into a corner while eating the man who lived down the block from me who was having what he called a quarter-life. I am happy, though, that Edith is dead.

              June 26, 2014 (11:48 p.m.)

              I am shaken to the core as I write these words. Just minutes ago, while coming back home after killing two people for the final human, fish, and chips day, I saw who has done these two murders. I witnessed Chief Keith murder someone around the corner from my shop. I’m sure he saw me because I had my car lights on. I’m hiding in my attic and I’ve made sure all my doors are locked. I’m going to keep this journal entry short so I can call Amy for protection. I made sure that the bodies are completely cut up and in the fridge so that they look like personal cold cuts.

               June 27, 2014

               (A recreation of my call with Amy early this morning)

               I rang Amy on my phone, praying that she would answer, and she did just that on the fourth ring.

             “Richard?” Amy asked in a tired voice.

             “Amy, I need you to listen closely, I know who the killer is,” I responded.

             “What?” Amy asked, now completely bewildered.

             “I couldn’t sleep, so I went out for a drive to see the stars, and I saw Keith murdering someone and I’m pretty sure he saw me.”

             “Okay, Richard, where did you see Keith?”

             “Just around the corner from my shop, but I’m sure he’s there now looking for me.”

             “Are you at the shop?”

             “No, I’m at my house.”

             “Ok, I’m going after Keith.”

              She hung up the phone, and, even though I knew I was going to be safe, I stayed in the attic.

              June 28, 2014

              Today, I sold my final batches of human, fish, and chips. I think after having such an awful month, people just wanted to relax in my while eating fried human meat. Amy even came back for some more of my specialty, although I didn’t recreate it because I deemed that unnecessary. I will also admit the fact that I shedded a tear from the thought that my little experiment is going to be over. I’ve also decided that I won’t have to kill anymore people seeing that I have enough flesh to last me two days. I know in the future, I will reminisce on the month that I killed 19 people.

                June 29, 2014

               (A recreation of my final interaction with Amy)

               “Hey,” Amy yelled while entering my shop.

               “Hi,” I responded. “Are you back for another meal?”

               “You’re such a good guesser.”

               “I really am. So what do you want?”

               “Um, could I have a ham and bacon sandwich?”

               “You definitely can, and do you want anything else?”

               “Yeah, can I have a grapefruit juice?”

               “Yup, that’ll be $6.50.”

                Amy gave a ten and told me to keep the change.

               “That’s a lot of change.”

               “Yeah, well, this going to be the last I’m eating here.”

               “Why’s that?”

               “I’m going back to Augusta on the first.”

               “Don’t you still have to find the first killer.”

               “No, I already have.”

               “But Keith wasn’t chopping people up.”

               “Yeah, but my boss told me to come back home.”

               “But it won’t be safe.”

               “I know, but I have to follow through with my orders.”

               “Amy, you can’t go.”

               “Richard, you’ve been nice and all, but I have to follow orders.”

               “Well, will you visit.”

               “Frankly, I probably won’t, but you have my number.”

               “Anthmaum’s going to be really dangerous without you police officers.”

               “Richard, it’ll be fine, Keith is dead, I shot him, there’s no danger left.”

               I motioned Amy close to me.

               “Amy, can I tell you something,” I whisper.

               “I know you’re the killer, Richard, I’m not dumb.” She whispered back.

               “How did you know?” I asked.

               “Can I tell you something?” Amy replied.

               “Huh?”

             “Keith was just acting in self defense.”

             “What?”

             “I was the other killer,” Amy responded.

             June 30, 2014

             Human meat requires sacrifice and I have done just that. Today I killed Amy before to Augusta. I realized from what she told me yesterday, that what she and I were doing was selfish. We were stealing innocent lives for no real reason. She had no motive to kill people, and really, neither did I. What I was doing was just a dumb social experiment that helped nobody. What I learn from doing these horrific acts, that people like the taste of human meat, I already knew. What I was doing was wrong and disgusting, and most of all, went against my morals. Just moments ago, I killed Amy, and when I finish this sentence, I will join her where we can’t hurt anyone else.

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